Navigating the Storm: Growth Through Adversity in Our Marriage

Introduction

To Start this off, Jordan (My husband) and I are doing good. We of course still struggle with navigating life, business, and parenting. While also trying to grow our connection with one another. The challenges we have faced in the last 6 years have been no where near easy. Whether that was with each other, the business, parenting or individually. There always seems to be some sort of storm above us. Sometimes the waves are calmer than others.

The Early Days of Business Ownership

Jordan could probably say a lot more in detailed stuff about what it was like in the early days. But you are going to hear it from my perspective. Jordan had quit his corporate job and started his business as a real estate media company in 2019. This was exciting for both of us as too this day we both have big dreams and goals for our future. He started by doing all the things to create and set up a business. He also taught himself how to code to create an app to make it easier for real estate agent to find photographers in their area. Think of it as how door dash is. Shortly after almost finishing the app, Covid hit. The real estate market was going crazy and we were completely broke newly weds. Living with my dad, brother and grandma in a small house. Jordan quickly realized he needed to get out in the field. So with little to no experience he started to do what we call "Shoots". This amazing man of mine has taught himself EVERYTHING he knows about building a business, to building apps from the ground up, to everything you need to know about being a real estate photographer/videographer and so much more. Slowly started to get clients, still not making ends meet. It has not been easy to say the least. Each year we learn and we grow in so many ways. It took at least 4 out of the 6 years for Jordan and I to really learn how to grow a business while also having so many babies close in age, we have a 3.5 year old daughter, a 2 year old son, a 1 year old son and another due in September. Call us crazy, but I'm starting to think we thrive in the chaos. While all these things are happening i'd like to point out the number one thing Jordan and I did the most and still continue to do everything day, and that is leaning on God for strength, guidance, wisdom and courage. If it wasn't for God Jordan and I would not have been able to get this far, in our marriage, the business, or our parenting. God has blessed us tremendously over the years.

The Impact On Our Marriage

The amount of increased stress that owning a business has put on our relationship, on top of becoming parents, navigating parenthood and then barely having time to see each other or spend time together has been hard to figure out.

Our conflicts often times stem over our financial situations, the business being the only source of income has been a struggle over the years. We have considered many times for myself to get a job, but I have no college degree or much experience. We married at 20 and 21 years old, then had our first child at 22 and 23. This being the 6th year of Jordan starting the business, It is just now starting to create a steady income for us.

Some how though, Each month God provided, our bills would be paid and that to us is such a blessing. He provides, He give's me provision, He protects me. Psalm 23: 2-6

A lot of times Jordan and I struggled to communicate , not intentionally. We just had so much to learn still. We still sometimes struggle, the biggest thing is that we never give up on one another, our kids, or the business. We support each other, love each other, and push each other to become better, wiser and stronger.

Parenting Challenges

It is a huge struggle to having kids while owning a business. If Jordan has off one day but a photographer can't make it to a shoot, He has to go and do it. Jordan also doesn't get a lot of time off, more often than not he is working 15-22 hours a day. You may be wondering how is that even possible, well he wakes up early, works all day, comes up for 2 to 3 hours before the kids go to bed, than will go right back to work until 12am-4am. Than does it all over the next day. This is the sacrifices it takes to be a business owner.

One of Jordan's biggest goals is to one day not have to work at all, so that he can be with me and the kids all the time. So in order to reach that goal sooner he has to do what he needs to now. This may not be ideal for most families, and it doesn't always work for us, and it is not easy by any means. But i support him, I support his dreams and his goals. And I will do anything to see that man succeed. Even if that means I am doing most things on my own around the house. Now even tho Jordan works a lot he still makes it a priority to spend a lot of times with the kids and he is always intentional with that time he has with them. The kids get a lot of time with him, it's our relationship that lacks in quality time. But again its the sacrifice we have to make now for the goals we want later. And that may not work for you and your family, but it works for us. For now.

Learning and Growing

The biggest thing for us is that we are both open and eager to learn and grow. We want that, We love it. Jordan and I both welcome trials as well, because we know that in the end of that trial we will have learned so much.

Over the years we had to learn how to communicate better, and for me that was hard. I so easily shut down and go numb during past conflicts because all of the trauma i have endured in my life. Jordan had to learn how to gently and lovingly break down my concrete walls (lol). I now get less defensive, less reactive, and it's a lot easier for us to communicate, especially about hard topics. One of my most often prayer is "Lord, Change me" I want God to change me to become a better wife, mom, and friend. I don't want to hurt or push away the people I love. I love deeply and care for those close to me.

It took me along time to realize this but, Jordan is not my enemy, he is my loving and caring partner. He want's what is best for me. When i remember this, my walls of defense immediately come down.

Now all this to say, Jordan and I still have a lot to work on. We give each other as much grace as possible.

Tools on How to Cope

We try to often do check ins, we want to know what are stress levels are at, how we are doing, and how we can better support each other.

We also try to block out time to be able to spend at least one night that week together as a couple, and prioritize family time with the kids

Reflection and Moving Forward

I wouldn't change any aspect of our life. It challenging, trying, exhausting all of the things. But each year I grow, We grow. and I love who we are becoming.

The challenges we will face in the next month to the next year are unpredictable, But I know that no matter what God will provide, He will guide us through. I believe in Jordan and his business. I know that it will be successful in the coming years. And I can't wait to see where we are at and all that a learned by the end of the year.

Conclusion

I could literally write and entire book on this specific topic and maybe one day I will, There was so many details that I had left out so I am sure I will write another post about this one day. I hope that to who ever this reaches that this was a blessing and encouragement to you.

My Final Thoughts

Let this challenge you to want to grow and learn even when things feel impossible, And as always lean on God's strength and guidance to pull you through.

Leave a comment below, tell me your story I'd love to hear it.

xoxo, Lauren.